I wonder if this is as good as it gets
I wonder if
If it feels too late.
Too late in the day to begin
To begin to take a step back
Step back to step forward
Stepping forward with re-newed energy and focus.
Energy and focus and clarity
Clearing the mud and grit from my eyes
The grit that scratches.
Scratching the itch
Itching the scratch
The slight uncomfortableness
To accept I am here in this place.
This place of yuk
Of tension and tightness
Tightness rising in my throat
Until it is forced out into a scream.
A blood curdling scream
Of frustration and anger
Pride and envy
Pride as they say comes before a fall.
A fall of grace
To hide in the shadows
For fear of being found out
Found out for what I wonder?
I wonder if I will ever feel truly happy
Fully present to the joy
And the letting go of it all.
All of what?
All for something or nothing
All for one and one for all.
All have fallen
Fallen out of favour
Favour and grace
Until it feels like home.
Like home of past
Of past memories and future dreams
Distant dreams on the horizon
I wonder if they are far out of reach.
Out of reach for now
For now, I am here
Here for a while
For a while longer
I will wonder.